Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The loneliness people in the world.

We have so many different tales to tell but oftentimes we prefer to keep it on ourselves. As for me, I just want to lock myself inside this coffin of imagination wherein I could raise my voice as high as I possibly could. I can even sing my lungs out just to express how I feel. I can grab a pen and write narratives to relish my inner self but words will never be enough for others to understand who I am and why I am like this.

No one has ever known me. The next minute, I shall be an invisible being. The next hour, I shall be back to the real world and repent for the opportunities I missed with people I should be trusting. But no one was here beside me. I now see myself as someone who is way too far from being a possessive person. More and more, I am becoming a floating soul that no one can fathom.

Nobody attempts to delve into my saddest state. It would be better this way.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Love is not love.

How come a guy, with whom a loyal girl is in loved with, turns out to be womanizing all along their relationship?

I repetitively answer that question of a friend who deeply loves and deeply hurts. For nine months, the two of them were together, with misunderstandings in between. I always told the girl it's normal, it's needed. It's good she listens to me whenever she morphs me into a love guru; everytime she have a problem, she goes to me and blurts out her feelings. I could say her emotions are too unfathomable when it comes to everyone but me. I never let her deceive me by what she wants me to know. I always make it a point to grill her until everything is in the open and the last things I can do is comfort her with my pieces of advice.

And so their relationship withered--as I expected it, as I wished it to transpire. It was the loss of trust that made her crumble on her knees. It was the loss of love, on the other hand, that kept him from doing what he likes without thinking of its effects toward the people who cares for him.

Is this the kind of love she deserves? I hardly believe so. Not to mention, it was her first boyfriend and it was her first break-up. I voiced out to her that she doesn't need to have someone like him even if he insists a second chance someday. Making amends seems to be impossible right now. They are not talking. They are treating each other as ghosts of their past. That's pretty pathetic, I cleared out to her. Good thing, she is becoming more composed now.

At the end of the day, my mind will simply eradicate the conclusion that love is not love without the true meaning of love. What then is the true meaning of this thing called love? The answer is without one's own perception. One's own understanding will make love as realizable as possible... yet not for me. What is the use of loving when it is prone to frailty? Isn't love supposed to be something divine in nature, so to speak? It has to have the core of a vision and a goal, otherwise it will be as stinky as the most deteriorating object in the world--hatred, which I assume is the root of his unfavorable behavior nowadays.

Someone teased me to her today, knowing that she and the dumb guy are no longer together. The idea is one hell of a crap, but then again it is still possible. No one knows what will happen next, as the cliché goes.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Less than an F.

Sometimes, I feel like I am being a total stranger on my own world. Everyday, I create delusions which only I have access with. Intervention of other people has never been on my list. I always find time on doing a lot of things that are not just out of curiosity. A lot of people do not understand that the depth of my personality is as shallow as the unleashed reality. Oftentimes, I realize that my acts are dictated by my inner self but now I am seeing myself as the doppelganger of the real me.

Confusion, then repercussion. I always fail to be a better person. I always fail to be the person I should be. Failure on no longer seeing the person I loathe within me? Absolutely. It turns out that as I grow older, as I escape this adolescence years, nothing is changing. There is no improvement.

I have to reconsider the better person in me. The door was left ajar and there is always a chance for renewal. I just hope so.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Sleeping alternative.

Perhaps the most important thing I should have right now is a lengthy sleep. For the past couple of years, I have been depriving myself with the grandeur of spending time on the dream world. I always end up being frustrated every time I waste time on being unproductive. Many times had I coerced myself to observe proper sleeping habit but my life after midnight has always been fulfilling albeit less noteworthy. Being attached to it is as being drowned by addiction.

Now that I am starting to explore the realms of the blogging world, I can't help myself but to stay awake as late as time dictates. This side of the internet is more than I assumed it to be. At first, I was just intrigued by what really blog is, and then eventually I found myself creating my own.

Only I have no idea whether even a single soul will have an interest on reading my rants as I proceed. But then again, as I see it now, blogging will be my career as long as I have an access to the internet as much as having money to rent a computer on an internet shop. I always imagine having my own computer, be it a desktop or a laptop, but then after the very second of luring myself, my hallucination brings itself to the verge of dreams, with which world I want to be at right now.

My eyes are falling and my mind is boggling. I guess this will be all for now. I respectfully welcome myself to the blogosphere.